he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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