I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
