I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
