Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
