you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
