I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I am naked and annoyed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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