I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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