Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
someone owes me an orgasm
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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