Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
