you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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