He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
