i think my tv is drunk
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
