matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
