dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
