I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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