what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
