I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
