Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
