Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
