The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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