Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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