i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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