For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
