Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
