Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
