Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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