I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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