who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
