Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
