he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
