I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
