Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
