when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
