I should be sponsored by Trojan
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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