I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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