i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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