some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
