It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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