wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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