i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
