Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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