Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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