I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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