This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
