It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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