That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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