We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
