I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
