chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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