Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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