My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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