Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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