Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
