Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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