Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
